Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Nul points for Madonna!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JAN MOIR: Nul points! Madonna puffed like a gran with a bad knee on Eurovision

By Jan Moir for the Daily Mail
 
Published: 00:31 BST, 20 May 2019 | Updated: 00:38 BST, 20 May 2019
Gotta hand it to that girl. No way was Madonna going to perform in Israel without attempting to patch up centuries of bloodshed and religious hostility by making some sort of major gesture.
It came right at the end of her two-song guest performance on the Eurovision Song Contest (BBC1), when her dancers turned their backs to reveal Israeli and Palestinian flags on their costumes. Then they embraced, geddit?
Who needs diplomacy, treaties, initiatives and summits when you’ve got Madge on the case? Why, this whole conflict could have been patched up way back at Camp David if only she had been involved sooner. ‘Wake Up,’ read the words beamed onto the stage after the flag blag. ‘Wake up,’ whispered Madonna, before doing a peace sign and hurling herself backwards off a set of stairs.

In Tel Aviv on Saturday night, she looked terrible and sounded even worse; off beam, off key, off form

In Tel Aviv on Saturday night, she looked terrible and sounded even worse; off beam, off key, off form
Wake up, wake up! Yes, please. Anything to stop this nightmare of a performance.
In a career spanning four decades, has Madonna ever been as howlingly awful as she was on Eurovision? Never, m’lord, and I’m including her 2012 Hyde Park concert where she did a striptease, held a gun to her head and told the London audience: ‘I love you, Poland.’
In Tel Aviv on Saturday night, she looked terrible and sounded even worse; off beam, off key, off form. Her showcase performance lasted only ten minutes but such was the depth of humourless grandiosity on display that it felt like being lectured at for an hour.
Designer John Paul Gaultier had wrangled Madonna into a Joan of Arc meets Robocop outfit, complete with a silver truss with dangling suspenders, thigh boots and a tragic revival of the conical bra; not so much a wardrobe malfunction as a complete nervous breakdown in the Her Satanic Majesties section of Zara. The whole outfit was accessorised with a jewelled eye patch. Was that wise? No.
‘What a trouper, showing up despite what looks like a nasty case of conjunctivitis,’ BBC host Graham Norton archly noted.
Launching into a lacklustre version of Like A Prayer, she sounded breathless and even screeched, like a winded crow. There was an odd but distinct lack of energy as she puffed down the stairs one by one, like a gran with a bad knee.

It came right at the end of her two-song guest performance on the Eurovision Song Contest (BBC1), when her dancers turned their backs to reveal Israeli and Palestinian flags on their costumes. Then they embraced, geddit?

It came right at the end of her two-song guest performance on the Eurovision Song Contest (BBC1), when her dancers turned their backs to reveal Israeli and Palestinian flags on their costumes. Then they embraced, geddit?
After this, a short Armageddon-themed interlude found her pretending to beat up her dancers to the music of Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker Suite for no good reason. ‘The storm isn’t in the air, it is inside of us,’ she darkly intoned because yes, that’s what happens when you eat too many falafels. ‘Can’t you hear the wind that is beginning to howl,’ she cried. Whoops, sorry about that.
Then it was straight into the reggae drear of Future (one of the songs from new album Madame X) in which she predicts we are not all going to make it to tomorrow, thanks for the reminder. Madonna seems hell-bent on presenting herself as some kind of death cult leader who knows when the world is going to end and when it does, boy is she going to make us suffer. If she had been a real Eurovision contestant, representing a country called Past Glories, she would have scored nul points.
On the night she was upstaged by Australia’s snow queen on stilts; a Viking singer who slaughtered a bubble and a handsome Russian who seemed to be singing about face cream.
There was a retired Turkish dentist representing San Marino (don’t ask) who not only managed to hit more notes than Madonna, but also appeared to pay touching tribute to the queen of pop in his song. ‘You’re not alone, so stand up for nana,’ he crooned.
The British entry, from former X Factor contestant Michael Rice, came last. ‘It’s all political,’ said his disappointed grandad, who believed it to be a Brexit punishment vote – overlooking the fact that it was a terrible song, too.
Politics and music have always been uneasy bedfellows. Madonna’s timid flag stunt may have had its heart in the right place, but it was a reminder that while art can be a potent way to raise political consciousness, it can be a medium for facile gestures, too. 

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